A Love Revisited

Every time I close my eyes,

I see you in my dreams.

You’re the love I’ve waited on

but the time was never write it seems.

It took forever for me to let go

of loving you in my dreams

but time rolled on

as did the days

memory’s of our love

eventually faded.

Since our time

we’ve had other lovers.

We’ve always held on as friends.

and here we are

so many years later.

fighting with our inner demons

to stay true to what in God’s eyes is right

we’ve fought for so long

to hell with right and wrong.

I’ve wanted you so long

that’s why I wrote this song.

So, baby the first one

is sure to be fast and furious

for all that’s been taken

from the two of us

the second time more of the same.

I wanna hear you scream my name.

Third time they say’s the charm

because laying in each others arms

looking at you looking at me

Here we go again

let’s make another sin.

Only, this time lust turned back into love.

We fit one another like a glove

There’s no way something this sweet

can ever end

A love re-visited — again.

 

On The Run- Part II

“On The Run”  continued from this link:  http://headdtrauma.wordpress.com/

Tired from the drive she walked hurriedly down the hallway toward her grandma’s room.  Several of the residents line the hallway sitting in their wheelchairs.  Caitlin stopped abruptly.  Turning around she walked back there was her sweet, sweet grandmother sitting in her wheelchair.  If it had not been for her pretty, sweet face she would not have known her.  She had lost so much weight.  “Granny,” Caitlin asked as she hugged her holding her and not wanting to let her go.

Looking up at Caitlin trying to hold back her tears, “I’ve been so worried about you.”  Through tears of her own Caitlin replied, “I ‘m sorry granny.”  The two of them visited for a little while longer.  “Granny, I will see you soon.  When I do, you are coming home with me.  I promise.  You trust me don’t you.”  Caitlin’s grandmother looked up at her, “Yes,” she replied

The drive home seemed never-ending.  Caitlin almost turned around several times to go back towards Cullman HealthCare.  She finally arrived home.  The house was dark and quiet.  “Oh Lord,” Caitlin thought to herself hoping that he was sleeping finally.  She dropped her purse in the chair by the door as she entered the dark living room.  The glow from the oil lamp was the only light in the house.  “Where have you been you stupid whore,” she heard Jake’s sinister growl.  Jake yanked Caitlin’s hair straight up from behind and shoved her violently to the ground straddling her back and pinning her arms under his knees.  He held Caitlin by the hair of the head pulling her hair so hard that she felt as if her head was bleeding.  Caitlin screamed in agony.  With his free hand tightened into a fist, he began striking her on the side of the head on her ear.  Caitlin knew well his next question, “I know you’ve been with Donny Mac!”  It seemed this had become ritual behavior every time he stayed awake on Crank for long periods of time.  By this time, Jake was striking Caitlin on both sides of her head having finally let her hair loose.  Jake hit her in each ear back and forth so hard that she could no longer hear him screaming at her.  Finally, the blows subsided and he grabbed her hair again jerking her straight into the air off her stomach.  When he did, she kicked the lantern causing it to fall off into the floor.  The carpet was on fire and spreading quick.  Jake screamed, “Bitch, are you crazy?”  He let her go to put the fire out and when he did, she ran for the door.  Grabbing her purse, she glanced over her shoulder.  He continued to frantically attempt to put out the flames.  “He will be o.k.,” she thought.

Screeching  the tires, she backed out of the driveway.  Caitlin was going home.  She had business of the heart to attend too.

Caitlin looked rough and felt rough when she arrived at Dr. Benjamin’s office the next morning.  Her only sleep had been at a rest stop in Tennessee for 2 hours.  She explained to the longtime friend and Dr. what her plan was for her grandmother.  It was risky.  She had to get her home.  She would no matter at what price.  She explained that she would have her grandmother back at the emergency room in two hours complaining of chest pain.  Caitlin knew that for her grandmother to attend therapy she had would be readmitted first.  As for her father, if he pressed charges then so be it.  She would tell the nursing home that they were going out for something to eat.  Dr. Benjamin broke into a smile.  He tried to hide this as he scratched the side of his head.  The Dr. explained to Caitlin that he could not legally tell her that this would be o.k.  He was not going to tell her that it wasn’t either.

The smile on her grandmothers face was priceless when she saw her granddaughter.  “I knew you would come,”  she said.  Caitlin coached her grandmother in what to say once they arrived at the emergency room.  Ahead, they could see the county line.  Her grandmother began to sing.  “Scottsboro, Scottsboro yea yea,” she sang repeatedly.  Caitlin laughed like a child.  But the singing and laughing stopped as they approached the Jackson County Line.  Blue Lights.  The two women were so happy Caitlin suddenly wondered when the rain had started to fall.  Caitlin slowed the car unsure what to do, “Run through ‘em!  Run through ‘em!  As soon as her grandmother made the ask, Caitlin realized it was only a wreck.  Caitlin looked at her granny with joyous wonder and they began to sing and laugh again.  They were home.  Both women breathed again.  Everything would be alright now.

On The Run

She felt sick as she made the drive into work.  She was crying as she did every night before she went in to the place.  How long have I been doing this now?  She wondered. ” Too long,” she answered herself aloud without noticing.  It was fun at first made her feel good about herself even.  But all the crap you put up with.  It became real old real fast.  Turning her blinker on to make the exit from Hwy 75 to the Atlanta bypass 285 East.  She began to take deep breaths as she turned into the parking lot.  She parked the car and cut the engine off in doing so she cut the engine off.  When she did she turned off her emotions and made her way into the dressing room of the strip bar getting into costume.  She was now Bailey Belle.

The phone woke her up early.  “Who the hell is calling so early,”  she wondered.  She rolled over to answer noticing she was alone in her bedroom. “How many nights did this make, Caitlin wondered quietly.  “Caitlin are you awake,” her mom asked on the other line.    “I am now,”  she answered sleepily somewhat aggravated at the question.  “Caitlin, your Aunt Linda has tried to get in touch with you,” her mom said.  “The day you left town with that imbecile your granny had a stroke,” her mother continued.  “What,”  Caitlin screamed into the phone while sitting straight up in the bed.  “Mama,” she said her voice shaking as she cried.  “Mama is she…..?”   At the same time her mom was saying– “Caitlin , she is ok.”   Her mom continued,  “The Dr.  says that she will get better but there’s a problem.”  “What is it mama,” she asked.  Still crying a pang of guilt hit her.  “Well, Dr. Benjamin said with rehab she would be ok but she would have to go home for 2 weeks and be readmitted for insurance reasons.  Jimmie pitched a fit so your dad put her in a nursing home in Cullman, her mom finished.   “What,”  Caitlin stood up angry now.  “That bitch,”  Caitlin said.  She couldn’t stand her step monster.  “Caitlin, Linda talked to Dr. Benjamin and he says she will go down fast that far away from home, family, and friends”  Caitlins whole body stiffened as she heard Jake come in the back door. ” Mom, I gotta go.”   “Caitlin,”  her mom was saying but Caitlin hung up the phone.

Jake walked into the bedroom talking to himself.  “Up all night again I see,”  Caitlin said sickened by the sight of him.  When Jake wasn’t on crank he was very good looking.  Right now his head was the biggest part of his body.  He had not eaten in days.  He was delusional.  “I suppose you’re not going to look for a job today,” Caitlin asked him.   “No,”  he said.  “I watched them watch me all night,:” Jake told her.  “Jake, they don’t even know where you’re at,”  Caitlin said.  Jake was on the run from the law for a felony DUI.  The day he left town she decided at last-minute to go with him and now look what happened.  She thought to herself.  That was a month ago. “Jake when we left Brownsboro you promised I wouldn’t have to strip for long,” Caitlin said quietly.  “I thought you liked it,”  he said sounding almost condescending like as he peeped out their bedroom window blinds.  “Jake have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately,” Caitlin asked him.  “You look like shit your eyes are sunk into your head.  Your heads the biggest part of your body.  Your killing yourself Why don’t you just turn yourself in Please Jake,” she begged.  Jake walked over to the bed and to lay down.  “Good,” she thought to herself maybe he will go to sleep.  “I’m not going back to jail,”  he said as he finally got still.  Caitlin said nothing hoping he would finally sleep   But 5 minutes later someone banged on the front door.  Jake jumped straight up out of  the bed pulling up his jeans to go to the door.  Suddenly, he stopped.  He looked over at Caitlin hoping she hadn’t noticed but she did.  They were her jeans he had put on.  She was a size one.

Caitlin lay quietly in the bed crying.  It was Marty at the door.  Well she thought to herself, he will be up another 7 days.  Yet, she felt sorry for him.  She felt guilty about her grandmother.  She was sickened by the fact she was stripping in a bar.  Just what I always wanted to be when I grew up, she thought to herself.

Caitlin didn’t lay there long she got up and put her clothes on walking into the living room.  Marty and Jake were about to snort mile long lines.  Caitlin picked up her purse.  “Where are you going,”  Jake asked.  “I like my job so well I think I will work a double,” she responded.  With that she walked out the door.

She arrived at Cullman Healthcare Center 3 hours later in Cullman, Alabama.

 

To be continued…….

The Perfect Crime

“Scottsboro Police Department, how may I help you?”    “Yes,”  Selena hesitated.  “Ma’am ma’am, you’ll have to speak up,”  the dispatcher said on the other line.  “Yes,” Selena began again.  “I would like to report a missing person,” she managed this time.  “O.k. ma’am, who is the missing person,” the dispatcher asked.  “My husband,” Selena stated firmly.

Selena finished with her phone call to the police department turned to face Michael‘s family who were in her living room waiting impatiently.  “Well, what did they say,” asked his mother.  “They thought it was funny,”  Selena stated matter of fact.  They advised me that Michael was no more missing than a man in the moon.  That he’s either off somewhere drinking or layed up with some whore.  “Can you believe that,”  his mother asked outraged.  Selena shrugged her shoulders, “they’re probably right.”  Selena walked past her mother in law and into her kitchen where she began washing dishes.  His mom and his sisters began filing out, “well you let me know if you hear from him.”  Selena nodded her head yes never taking her eyes off the view from the window as she washed the last dish.  The view off the bluff was so pretty this time of year.  The leaves were beginning to change into vibrant colors of yellow and red.  The air was cool on the mountain at night but just right during the day.  It was a lovely time to be outside.

She thought she heard the baby crying.  She went into the nursery where he continued to sleep peacefully.  She picked her beautiful baby boy up anyway and sat down in the rocking chair.  She held him close while singing softly to him.  She rocked for hours before she lay him in the bed with her.  “Everything is alright now,” she whispered.  Exhausted, she had no problem falling off right to sleep.

It was time for Selena to return to work.  Her maternity leave was over.  The thought of leaving her precious little Jake for the day caused her nausea.  She was so happy when her grandmother said she would keep him and thankful.  She dreaded all the questions from co-workers about Michael.  She knew by now the town knew that he was missing.  She figured they thought the same as the police.  She would face the humiliation in the morning.

When Selena heard the alarm clock ringing, she was already dressed and ready for work.  She walked down the hall to turn it off.  Walking past the window into her bedroom she saw the sheriffs car pulling down her long drive.  She had expected this but not this soon.  Selena opened the door.  The sheriff walked up and asked, “Are you Selena Gray.”  “Yes,” she answered.  “Ms Gray, I’m afraid I have some bad news,” the sheriff stepped inside the front door without her asking him too.  “No,”  she managed as she begin to cry.  “Selena do you have family you can call to come and be with you,” the other officer asked.  “Yes,” she was still crying.  “Can you give me a number and I will call them for you,” Selena gave them her grandmothers phone number.  “Selena when was the last time you saw your husband,” he asked.  Selena began to recount the story of the night before to the officers.

Thursday night we had a terrible fight.  He wanted to carry me out for a night on the town he had said.  I have a new baby the last thing I wanted to do was leave my baby boy.  But Michael wasn’t hearing it.  He was drinking and he called my grandmother to ask her to babysit she agreed.  Friday night at 6pm, michael still wasn’t here.  7pm and still no Michael.  I was so angry.  At 9p.m., I heard a terrible noise.  It was him.  He was so drunk he jumped the ditch onto our road and came flying down the driveway turning 3 doughnuts so close to the edge of the bluff I thought he was sure to drive off it.  The last one he parked his truck but I never heard him turn the truck off.  I was so angry and hurt.  I left him out there.  The next morning I looked outside but did not see him in the truck.  I walked outside –no Michael.  I walked around the entire house still no Michael.  “I didn’t know what had happened to him but when it came to him I never knew what was going to happen next.  I figured he was laid up somewhere or on another binge.  He left one weekend to go get cigarettes and ended up in Panama City for the week.  I wouldn’t have reported him missing when I did had it not been for his mom.”  The sheriff nodded.  By this time, her grandmother was there sitting beside her.  “What happened,” Selena asked the officer.  Softly, she began to cry again. ” His body was found at the bottom of the bluff out here,” the officer said.  “Deer hunting,” Selena said softly.  “He liked to look for deer off the edge of the bluff,” she said quietly.  The officer added,” it was a deer hunter who called and reported finding the body.”

Selena’s grandmother let the officers out the door, she chattered away but Selena wasn’t listening.  Selena was smiling inside.   Selena was finally free from the abuse both physical and emotional.  “Free!  Free!”  She said silently to herself.  Selena thought of that morning when she was washing dishes after having left Michael passed out in his truck.  She had seen him standing at the edge of the bluff with his back to her and she remembered thinking, “you know I could walk up behind him, push him over the edge and people would think he was out there drunk and looking for deer and fell.”  The next thing she was aware of was that she was standing behind him as she gave her husband a shove.  She stood there for a moment in silence.  She thought about every time he had ever cheated, humiliated, hit her, ridiculed her in front of people, and all the lies she had told to cover up for him when he gave her black eyes or left bruises on her body.  She wasn’t sad.  She wasn’t sad at all.  It had been the perfect crime.

Toil And Trouble

Today’s prompt from The Daily Post:  Whats The Most Trouble You Have Ever Been In

My response to the prompt can be read on my 40something blog.  I chose to write about an event that almost led to my mom taking me out of the world………..

Here is another of my creative sparks from this prompt:

Double, Double toil and trouble

but that’s not what I want to be.

In our youth, growing up is hard

there’s so much we just don’t see.

So stir, stir your witches brew

and see what the brew might bring.

That evil concoction

inside that cauldron

almost led to my adoption

but my mom she saved me from me : )

Poem of a Friend

When I look at you

Do you know what it is I see?

I see a soul thats growing cold.

Trapped by all that goes untold.

I see the man inside the boy

who fears the unknown and all it could destroy.

I see a man and his self doubts.

For him, the past lurks to close about.

He closes his own eyes discovery

which causes his pain and misery.

Choosing to be blind.

He closes his mind.

He numbs his pain.

To keep from going insane.

Losing himself

Inside of himself.

A plethora of love lives inside

an abundance of good he tries to hide.

I hope and pray for him one day

to have all he wishes and wants.

I hope and pray for him one day

his past ceases to haunt.

For he deserves all that is good

from his wife and from this life.

I pray for God to heal his soul,

protect his heart ending his pain and strife.

Please God, I wish you would……..

Why? Because, I love you!

Angry with me,
angry with you,
helpless and confused,
what do I do?
I sent you away,
then realized my love,
how much I miss you
with each passing day.
I’ve tried to be mad.
I’ve tried to forget.
But memories of you
they just won’t quit.
I shouldn’t lie beside you now.
You deserve more
than my life will allow.
When the morning sun does rise,
I will gaze once more into your eyes.
I’ve got to get my own life together
before I can promise another forever.
My God!
How I don’t want to let you go!
It is you that I love so!
Never did I want to cause you pain
or make you feel my love is vain.
I will leave you in the morning
and get my life straight.
I will be back.
I pray not too late.
I will hold out my hand
to my lover, my friend
and pull you to my side
atop this mountain
that we must climb.
Why?
Because, I love you!

–Nicole Griffin Eakin
02/11/2011

Just Me

I gaze into a clear, black sky
and ask myself every question, why?
Why will it take so long for you to see,
the nature of the person that lives inside of me?
I’m everything you feared I’m not.
What extent of proof do you want?
I’m everything you hoped to find.
I am the life you always sought.
This is where your dreams become reality surreal;
that, you’ll finally feel all you thought would never feel.
Yet, serenity and perfection in another you are after
and it is I wants to be your smile, your song, your hurt and laughter.
Why will it take you so long to see,
that what you really want is me.

Daily Journal: “We Real Cool” by Gwendolyn Brooks

In my English 102 class, we are studying poetry. “We Real Cool” is a one syllable poem written by Gwendolyn Brooks in 1959. Our text suggested to write a prose version of the poem, adding words, phrases, and sentences to expand the poem into a paragraph. Following is my version:

Yes, we real cool. We have a love for pool. We find great gratification in all the admiration. Replacing the halls of school with that of pool, we strike straight for we were always late. That sealed our fate with jazz and gin. We wake up and do it all over again. We make a dollar here and we make a dollar there at the golden shovel and luckier than the number seven. Have we died and gone to heaven? Or maybe we were just fools for now we live on the streets. At the Golden shovel once more, as they close our casket door. This time, that shovel throws the dirt that fills our lonely graves. What a fool to have traded it all for pool. Yes, we real cool.

Babel Fish: A Letter To You

Out of boredom, I decided to babel fish “A Letter To You.”  I first translated it to French and then from French to Galician.  Here are the results:

The thoughts of my mind it consumes. I can not do anything else. Several scenes of the past. We separated. However, my love for you continues. I tried so hard to make me believe that I do not love you anymore. I tried to make me believe that my love became hate. I tried so hard to forget your face in the face of another. Three years later, I felt alone and wondered if he knew I left. I knew I still loved you? And if one of us tomorrow is not coming and I never got to tell you? I wrote a letter. I said that my love for you has always been as strong as it was at first. I told him I do not have to leave because I wanted another. I told him that I left because I could not bother to see you leave to go home to another. Six long years of broken promises that broke my heart into pieces. I told him that maybe it was not fair that I expected you to start your new life. Maybe this is not what we wanted to do with his age. Well, I think that our daughter deserves to ourselves. After the anger has decreased, and the time to cure my pain, I thought it would be unfair of me to expect that again if I left and that’s ok we talked and talked. You spent the night and put us to sleep with his arms around me. Quiet, I started crying because his arms around me I felt as good as ever. I missed that, even more than I knew. The days that followed felt so good. Then I received a call from a friend told me the tragic news. I was faced with not seeing him ever. I prayed to God to allow more time. I thank God because he made to our God, I am very grateful. All of our problems, which began with anger in the past suddenly seems so small compared to a world without you. We will most often fail to do things right this time. I love you and you love me. Let us make God proud and be a family with the girl that we create. If you do not show our daughter, I’m afraid that will not know what that means both parents together. It’s our time to live and to love and give her what she has not seen – a family. For when I leave this world forever, I know there will never be another. Nobody could ever take your place or never begin to fill their shoes. Why continue to live out the lie, as we know we can live together in love!

Love Always,

I