Facebook Status Updates

Status updates that I used on Facebook recently that friends liked the most.

 

 

Feel free to use them for your own updates!

1. I hate it when cops throw you in the back of the squad car like they did not EVEN hear you call shotgun!
2. I may not be a good example…..  but I make one hell of a great warning!
3. Roses are red.  Violets are blue.  Friend requests are good.  But who the hell are you?
4. I’ve changed the lock on my heart.  You can stick the old key up your a$$!  Smile, I’m sure someone loves you.
5. I love being single because I am always there when I need me!
6. Most people even under ideal conditions have trouble locating their car keys from their pockets, locating their cell in a purse, or pinning the tail on the donkey– but I would bet that everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 ft away in about 1.7 seconds.  Eyes closed!
7. Milestone alert:  This is my 100th post from a toilet…… and I would like to thank the fine people at McDonalds for making it all possible.
8. Do you think maybe God made our buttcracks up and down because if they were sideways when we went down a slide it would sound like bufufufufuflubflubflub……??   Things that make you go hhhhmmmmm!
9. We use 300 muscles to keep our balance when we stand, the length of a man’s penis is 3x’s the length of his thumb, and the femur is hard as concrete.  A woman has read this entire post already.  A man is still looking at his thumb……. Sorry guys!
10. The first person to complain about the heat this summer will be bitchsmacked!

I hope you enjoy them!  Let me know if you have any good ones of your own that you want to share!  As we are always looking for the perfect status!

Poem of a Friend

When I look at you

Do you know what it is I see?

I see a soul thats growing cold.

Trapped by all that goes untold.

I see the man inside the boy

who fears the unknown and all it could destroy.

I see a man and his self doubts.

For him, the past lurks to close about.

He closes his own eyes discovery

which causes his pain and misery.

Choosing to be blind.

He closes his mind.

He numbs his pain.

To keep from going insane.

Losing himself

Inside of himself.

A plethora of love lives inside

an abundance of good he tries to hide.

I hope and pray for him one day

to have all he wishes and wants.

I hope and pray for him one day

his past ceases to haunt.

For he deserves all that is good

from his wife and from this life.

I pray for God to heal his soul,

protect his heart ending his pain and strife.

Please God, I wish you would……..

Daily Journal: “We Real Cool” by Gwendolyn Brooks

In my English 102 class, we are studying poetry. “We Real Cool” is a one syllable poem written by Gwendolyn Brooks in 1959. Our text suggested to write a prose version of the poem, adding words, phrases, and sentences to expand the poem into a paragraph. Following is my version:

Yes, we real cool. We have a love for pool. We find great gratification in all the admiration. Replacing the halls of school with that of pool, we strike straight for we were always late. That sealed our fate with jazz and gin. We wake up and do it all over again. We make a dollar here and we make a dollar there at the golden shovel and luckier than the number seven. Have we died and gone to heaven? Or maybe we were just fools for now we live on the streets. At the Golden shovel once more, as they close our casket door. This time, that shovel throws the dirt that fills our lonely graves. What a fool to have traded it all for pool. Yes, we real cool.

Babel Fish: A Letter To You

Out of boredom, I decided to babel fish “A Letter To You.”  I first translated it to French and then from French to Galician.  Here are the results:

The thoughts of my mind it consumes. I can not do anything else. Several scenes of the past. We separated. However, my love for you continues. I tried so hard to make me believe that I do not love you anymore. I tried to make me believe that my love became hate. I tried so hard to forget your face in the face of another. Three years later, I felt alone and wondered if he knew I left. I knew I still loved you? And if one of us tomorrow is not coming and I never got to tell you? I wrote a letter. I said that my love for you has always been as strong as it was at first. I told him I do not have to leave because I wanted another. I told him that I left because I could not bother to see you leave to go home to another. Six long years of broken promises that broke my heart into pieces. I told him that maybe it was not fair that I expected you to start your new life. Maybe this is not what we wanted to do with his age. Well, I think that our daughter deserves to ourselves. After the anger has decreased, and the time to cure my pain, I thought it would be unfair of me to expect that again if I left and that’s ok we talked and talked. You spent the night and put us to sleep with his arms around me. Quiet, I started crying because his arms around me I felt as good as ever. I missed that, even more than I knew. The days that followed felt so good. Then I received a call from a friend told me the tragic news. I was faced with not seeing him ever. I prayed to God to allow more time. I thank God because he made to our God, I am very grateful. All of our problems, which began with anger in the past suddenly seems so small compared to a world without you. We will most often fail to do things right this time. I love you and you love me. Let us make God proud and be a family with the girl that we create. If you do not show our daughter, I’m afraid that will not know what that means both parents together. It’s our time to live and to love and give her what she has not seen – a family. For when I leave this world forever, I know there will never be another. Nobody could ever take your place or never begin to fill their shoes. Why continue to live out the lie, as we know we can live together in love!

Love Always,

I

I wrote a song last night entitled: Lost

Have you seen my act right?

I don’t know how, it seems.

I’m in the middle of my insanity.

Alone on this lonely road.

Stuck somewhere in between.

Tell me, have you seen my dreams?

If I ever close my eyes,

I no longer dream.

I feel nothing.

I’m dead inside.

Lost in my own reality.

I no longer know myself

or who I’m supposed to be.

Who is that stranger

in the mirror?

The one whose eyes

cold and black

are lifeless as can be.

I can’t tell you where I’m going.

but I know just where I’ve been.

I know longer feel my pain.

I feel nothing at all.

I’m lost and

I am afraid.

Please don’t turn

your back to me.